Friday, January 18, 2013

FAQ-Assaults,Body Odor, Alcohol .....

Due to an overwhelming response to our FAQ last Friday regarding Marijuana, we are back! Below are just a smidgeon of  inquiries, that may or may not be true, received by Transit Police. The response by tpdnews do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Office of the Chief of Police or his Command Staff.  Or maybe they do......  :)--

Q.) Last week while riding my train and minding my own business, a very disgusting, disheveled type person sat next to me. Their body odor was so unpalatable, it was an assault on my nostrils. I was overcome with nausea.  I demanded they move to another seat. He rudely refused.  I called 911 and sent a message using SeeSay App to have him removed or arrested. I provided you with the train car # and the stop we were approaching. You NEVER responded !! Why ?

 As a general rule, we encourage good personal hygiene habits be practiced by all. However after extensive research we were unable to locate any laws in Massachusetts which compels a person to have the pleasant aroma of rose pedals and lilacs billowing about their body before they can utilize a public conveyance on the MBTA. Body odor can be such a subjective topic, are you certain it was not your own breath blowing back in your face ?

Q.) This morning while riding on a Red Line train a woman was talking on her cell phone so loud I could not even hear myself think ! I wanted to grab the f***ing phone from her ear and smash it to pieces and give her a  f***ing smack to emphasize my annoyance. Good idea ?  Could/would I get in trouble ?

Hmmmm. Tough question... NOT !! Definitively not a good idea. Yes, you would get in trouble. We don't know what your definition of trouble is but this would be how it played out: a Transit Police officer would provide you with a ride in the back of a prisoner transport wagon to Transit Police HQ. You would be given a tour of our arrest processing/holding facility. You would spend some quality time with one of our jovial booking officers. You would meet all kinds of new and interesting people, i.e.  fellow arrestees, a bail commissioner, a defense lawyer, an assistant district attorney, a probation officer and a real life judge...... To all other write in's of a similar nature; No matter how annoyed your fellow MBTA passengers make you, Please, pretty Please with sugar on top, do not assault them. It will not be tolerated by the Transit Police.

Q.) I have a Charlie Card that is pre-paid for the entire month, this morning when I arrived at my T station I realized I left it at home. I would have been late for work if I returned and got it, so I followed in behind someone else. I was stopped by the T Police and received a 50 dollar ticket !This is total nonsense. You people SUCK !!!

Sorry, we don't understand your question.

Q.) Last week I read your blog about marijuana on the MBTA, thanks for clarifying. Very helpful. Ok so now I know I can't spark up while I'm on the T, how about if I want to drink a little Jack Daniels or some beer while rumbling down the rails to calm my nerves. I'll wrap it in a brown paper bag so no one will know what I'm doing. Okay ?

Although we appreciate you would go the extra mile and wrap it in a brown bag, the consumption and/or transportation of alcohol on the MBTA is prohibited. Oh, by the way, just a heads up for you. Even the newest recruit right out of the academy knows, when you are drinking a beverage from a container wrapped in a brown paper bag......its alcohol.


Q.) Is it possible for the MBTA to pass a law or at the least a policy, that on game night only Celtic or Bruin fans are allowed to take the T to North Station. I get really really ticked off when I see some jerk wearing the opposing teams' jersey while I'm on the T or walking through North Station. 
Sorry, no can do. The MBTA and the Transit Police are committed to ensuring the safety and safeguarding the constitutional rights of all people....hey! wait a minute. Aren't you that guy from last week with the little plastic leprechaun hat, green and white painted face, the 1980's Larry Bird jersey, green corduroy pants and the old school green Converse sneakers. I thought we already explained this to you from your holding cell at TPD Headquarters....

Q.) Last night while at South Station I was approached by a young female, about 25, who stated she has been living on the street and was desperate to get home to Maine to be with her family. She begged me for 50 dollars for bus fare. I gave it to her. This morning she was there again giving the same sad story to another person ! I confronted her and she kicked me in the shin and told me to beat it. Can you get her to return my money ? Or if/when I see her again can I put her in a headlock and give her a noogie until she pays me back ?

Uhhhh No! A noogie, really ?  We thought those hijinks went out with the Three Stooges. For those of you not familiar with what a noogie is: the official definition "painful sensation caused by the rubbing of knuckles or fist to ones head". Please refer to Question 2 for any question remotely close to assaulting people within the confines of the MBTA system. In regards to her kicking you we can help. Call us.

Stay tuned for more FAQ...........

tpdnews.












2 comments:

  1. My friend that works as a security guard at a bank tells me that stinky boozers are the least of our worries. He told me when he was teaching me some advanced poker plays that a drunk person attacked him once, they had him sober up in the local police station.

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  2. This is very helpful and informative blog....
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